New Worlds, Again

I respawned in world 4, restocked at my house there, which was admirably supplied with everything except coal, and headed off into the world to wander. First stop was a cave and a pretty good cave at that. I survived two creeper explosions, three or four zombies, a skeleton and a spider then emerged eventually with some lapis, iron and gold but, sadly, no diamonds. Oh well, onwards – I have decided to keep on going until I find an irresistible landscape to settle in. So I keep on going.

And going.

And going. I pass long boring stretches of rolling prairie hills. I pass long boring and dangerous stretches of deep forest. I make boats and sail for a while, only to land on either rolling prairie hills or deep forest, with the occasional small desert to enliven things. It’s dull. It’s deathly dull. There are no mountains, no waterfalls, no floating islands, no cliffs, no lava – this is the most boring Minecraft world I have ever seen. Apparently I spawned in the only interesting looking place on the planet. I am beginning to lose heart for this adventure. I do not love thee, World 4. You pretty much suck, actually. And I think. . . I think. . . that it’s time to return to poverty and start you right over again. Goodbye, diamond pick! Goodbye, blue wool! I’m looking for a world with more – more – I don’t know, but it’s you not me and I’m out of here.

Oh god what have I done? I’m alone! In the cold wasteland of ice, snow and pine trees! And I have nothing, nothing at all!

I find some coal pretty quickly and I chop down a couple of pine trees with my bare hands. There, that’s the necessities of life taken care of for the time being. I head out towards a distant mountain, where I spy a shallow cave. It takes me almost too long to climb up to it but when I do it turns out to be perfect – some dirt quickly walls it into a safe haven and I can settle into making stone tools like any self respecting Paleolithic hunter and, unlike my illustrious forebear, some glass. Glass is key when you don’t have a watch: I need to know when daylight come

. . . SOME WEEKS LATER

Okay, where to pick up? What with the neverending cold (it didn’t actually kill me; I’m still alive and fighting creepers) and some serious family shit to contend with, I haven’t been writing about my adventures in Minecraft. I have, however, been having them, because when you can do nothing else, when you’re an emotional basket case who can barely quiver through a day, you can still, mostly, play Minecraft. Or, failing even that, you can watch Minecraft, as I have been doing here, where two adorable British guys make their highly disorganized way through their freaky little Minecraft world. I mean, I think they’re adorable but that’s pretty much based on their accents. For all I know they could be Jabba the Hutt and a two headed Jabba the Hutt at that. Still, I believe they are adorable because they're funny. I know they’re disorganized due to their inventories (they say the word inventory in a completely strange and therefore cute British way) which are not all lined up neatly like mine. Good lord. I’m turning into my mother on a video game.

Nevertheless! I started out a new and wondrous world. I explored a cave, discovered that I had spawned on an island, traveled around, got all the necessary stuff, took a boat off to another island, built a rather fabulous house called Graystoke (Tarzan ahoy! You can see it at the top, there.), burned it mostly down, rebuilt it and then ignominiously died when I was trying fence off a lava pool in preparation for a great landscaping project that would have ended up with an amphitheatre and some Roman baths and possibly an aqueduct or something. A Forum. That house is lost forever and so I retired, after spawning again, to a promising spot I had noticed the last time around. And there, since I’m on a kick of grandiose house names, I built Cantilevers. Cantilevers! The perfect gentlelady’s abode, if, that is, that gentlelady is completely berserk.